Thursday, May 4, 2017

The Computer Was Worried About Me.

Hi there! How have you been? Busy busy? Yeah. Me too.

Well... not really.

Not... busy per se.

More ... overwhelmed, maybe? Not getting anything done because there is so much to do. You know. That.

This here, is the "baby corner". I have definite plans to add some shelving with cute bins for all those little bits that she likes to just throw all over the entire room - often immediately after I've finished tidying them up (as much as you can call this tidying) for the fourth time. There is a spot that has been designated for this. There will even be some cushions for a little reading area. It'll be swell.

Unfortunately, that area is currently taken up with what I fondly refer to as the "garbage couch". Others seem to think it is some sort of laundry storage unit. This is where the laundry baskets get placed while I wait for a time that I can fold it. Theoretically, people will take this folded laundry to their rooms, and put it in it's proper place. ie. Drawers, or the closet. Because clean laundry doesn't actually belong under your pillow for "easy access morning dressing", Beege!


This has proven to be somewhat of a problem, as things get piled on top of the baskets. For some reason, instead of putting things where they go, they just get put out of Bean's reach. It's a thing. Oh, how we laugh.

I've been trapped under this never ending avalanche of (seemingly pointless) tidying for a while now.  I am exhausted. I actually thought I was having a heart attack last month (turned out to be a gall bladder attack - they feel remarkably similar, except for the actually almost dying bit). That my body had just finally given up and didn't want to bother anymore, so it was going to go ahead and kill me. Do you know what I was thinking, while sitting in a small quiet room waiting for ultrasounds? (After the pain had stopped, and we were relatively sure that I was not, in fact, dying)

"Isn't this nice?"

It was quiet, and there was nothing I had to do except sit there. It was practically a vacation.

I haven't been writing, either. Which, as I've mentioned before is one of the things that helps me feel a little more human. Today though, the computer monitor sprang to life as I walked by with my tea. I would usually turn it off, mumbling about rotten people who don't bother turning the power off so that it scares me when it turns on for no reason. Today though, I took it as a sign. So I sat. I wrote. And I honestly do feel a bit better.

I may even clean something.

Friday, March 3, 2017

Cheaters Never Win.

Well. Sure they do. I mean... otherwise why would anyone ever cheat? When you win by cheating though, I don't think it actually counts as a proper win. Maybe that's what the saying means? I don't know, I can't cheat. It's not that I haven't wanted to, on occasion, speed up a board game with the kids, or cross on a red light when I can see there are absolutely zero cars on the road. I can't do it though.

The moment the thought enters my head, my face turns red and I get sweaty. It's just not in me. And even if I could manage it... the guilt. I still feel guilty about taking too many candies from one of those candy bin thingies they used to have at the grocery store. Do you know the ones I mean? You put in a quarter and take a couple of hard candies? Well I put in my quarter and took ten or fifteen. And I still feel horribly guilty for it. I was.. maybe seven. That's thirty years of guilt over hard candies. It's just not worth it.

I don't even fudge my answers on quizzes that no one else will ever see. I can't even watch ahead when I'm watching a show on Netflix with Husband. It's sad really.

On that last note though, not being able to watch ahead on Walking Dead or Life in Pieces means that I've had to find some things to watch when he's not around that he doesn't have dibs on, which means that I've found some really good stuff that I might not've otherwise! Lately, it's been a whole bunch of Australian shows (Offspring, Please Like Me, and A Moody Christmas) and Scottish Murder Mysteries (Shetland, Broadchurch), all of which I've enjoyed immensely.

The cast of Offspring

What about you? Cheater? Or would you never?

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Avoiding Reality with Binge Watching.

I don't know if it's because kids are just growing up so much faster than they used to, or the fact that we have an actual baby in the house, but my kids are suddenly not little kids anymore. But they aren't exactly big kids either. They're at this weird in-between stage where they can sit down and have quite grown up conversations, but they'll still play dolls for a few hours every once in a while.

They're far too old for Puffin Rock, but way (way) too young for The Walking Dead. So when something comes along that we can all agree on to watch, I get really happy about it. Especially if it's based on books that we already know and love. Even *more* if it happens to star one of my favourite actors.


We love Lemony Snicket, and are extremely fond of the movie, so were super excited, but a bit wary, when we heard it was being made into a series for Netflix. It's always a worry when someone does a remake of something you love that the new version won't sit well. We haven't started watching it yet since Beege wanted to get through all of the books again first, but I have snuck a little peek on my own and I am expecting to be very happy.

Another one I'm thinking of watching with them is One Day at a Time.

I'm not familiar with the original, so I didn't have any expectations either way when I started watching it. The reboot, which centers around a Cuban-American single mother and her family,  tackles some serious issues -- like sexism, immigration, sexuality, and PTSD -- in a mostly light-hearted way, that would make it easy to springboard into a more serious conversation with my girls. The way things are going right now, with the real life series of rather unfortunate events in the U.S, I think we all need to start talking about these kinds of things sooner rather than later.

As for my own personal viewing, if you're looking for something oddly fun to take your mind off things, give Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency a go. Super weird. Stick with it though, because it's kind of awesome.

Monday, January 9, 2017

Back to School is My Favourite.

 Oh thank god. Back to school today, and not a moment too soon!

Anyone who's been here a while knows how awesome I think my kids are; but holy crap, I'm having a bit of trouble remembering that. They have always fought some, as siblings do. Lately though, I can't leave the room for five minutes without coming back to screaming and crying. I can't even count how many times I said "I'm your MUM, not a REFEREE!" over their break.

Someone please tell me that this constant (CONSTANT) bickering and picking at each other is a phase. Please? My daughters are warm, funny, bright, charming people - except, at the moment, to each other. Just when I'm at the end of my rope and ready to sell them off to the highest bidder, one of them will do something sweet for the other and give me hope... just to start fighting again as soon as I turn my back. It is driving me insane.

Although, there is a small part of me that wonders if maybe I'm just more bothered by it than I normally would be because I haven't slept more than two hours in a row since last February.

We are working on that though. The sleep. We got Bean into her own room over the break, and while there are still a whole load of things that we need to get out of there before it's safe to actually let her roam free, the essentials are there. It is so nice to be able to actually turn our light on and get ready for bed properly instead of trying to sneak into bed in the dark like cat burglars.

Much better for a baby now, right?
She has finally (*knock wood, whistle, toss salt, etc*) settled into a bit of a routine. It looks like one long sleep in the evening (6-ish until 1-ish), then waking every couple of hours between 1-ish and 7-ish. Which still kind of sucks for me, in the sleep department, but I'm looking to get her away from nursing all night soon.

We also got a video monitor for Christmas (thanks everybody!) which is a huge help, because it turns out that half the time when she starts making noise, and I think I should check on her, she is actually asleep. Or she doesn't actually need *me*, she just needs to pass gas. So I've actually just been waking her up. Unnecessarily. *sigh*

Take right now for instance. I put her down for a nap about ten minutes ago. She is making all kinds of noise. Pre-video-monitor-me would be sitting on the stairs outside her door, cringing and beating myself up for torturing her this way, ready to hop up and rescue the poor child. Post-video-monitor-me is finally getting some writing done, while watching her yell as she hops a stuffed bunny around her crib and snuggles her blankie.

Anyhoo, her birthday is coming up, and I'm kind of thinking that for her birthday, she's going to stop getting a boob all night. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEAN!

Monday, November 28, 2016

Dear Jessica...

In the year 2000, I had a full time job. I was out of university, and I'd just moved into an apartment with the man who would eventually become The Husband. That was also the year that saw the beginning of the magic that was the Gilmore Girls.

I used to make absolutely sure I was home, every Wednesday night. I'd be curled up in front of my TV with a cozy blanket and a big cup of tea, ready when the music started. My boyfriend was not allowed to talk to me for that hour, not even during the commercials.

I loved that show. The writing and acting were phenomenal. The quick dialogue and quirky characters were something new that felt made for me. When it went off the air, I was bereft. There was a Gilmore shaped hole in the middle of my week. On top of that, it felt like it just... ended.

You can't begin to imagine how excited I was when I heard they were making four new episodes.

It's funny though. I started re-watching the old episodes, and they're just... different now. I don't identify with Lane and Rory as much, and I kind of get where Mrs. Kim was coming from. A husband and three kids later, I'm just not that girl anymore; although I still want to live in Stars Hollow. It got me thinking about how things used to be, and what I might tell that girl if I ran into her today. So here goes:

Dear Jessica,

Hey. There are just a few things I want to say to you, while I'm thinking of them.

First, you are not cool. Don't get huffy, I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean it in the best way possible. I don't know when "cool" turned into "just like everyone else", but that is not you. Someday, when you are raising your three daughters (you heard me right) you will pass that lesson on to them and be able to show them from experience that being your own person may be harder in the moment, but it's more valuable in the long run.

Next, you know that guy sitting beside you? Don't look, don't look! Yes, him. The guy that waits for you after work, and makes you tea when you get home, and brings you flowers, and sits through shows that he doesn't really care about, just to sit with you... him. There is going to come a point where it will seem like it's never going to happen. He is going to take forever to ask. And he is going to do it in front of a freaking EB Games up at the mall. But he is worth the wait, and you're going to be able to mock him about the EB Games thing for the rest of his life. He is a good man, and he is going to be the best daddy for those three (yes, really) girls. Go easy on him.

Most important, maybe, is this: I know that you don't like to hurt people's feelings, or cause anyone any inconvenience, but stop being afraid to take up some space. You have just as much right as anyone else to the last cookie, so every once in a while, let yourself take it. You've got to think of yourself sometimes. You really do. It's not selfish, it's self preservation. It's also a good lesson for your daughters (yes, there really are three of them) to learn before they have their own relationships, or jobs, or kids to worry about losing themselves in. Don't lose yourself. It's really hard to find you again.

Take care, and stay away from green eyeshadow no matter who says it "makes your eyes pop."

Much love,

P.S. Don't worry, you will get your stupid driver's license. Eventually.

 Anyhoo - I'm off to finish watching Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life. No spoilers!

Friday, November 4, 2016

An Update of Sorts, and a Giveaway.

Wow. Okay. So it's been a while. The baby is almost 9 months old now, and starting to try walking, which is kind of terrifying because my house is in no way ready for that. It's choking hazard central here. I haven't let my sister visit with her kids since my nephew started walking because I'm scared he'll die. And yes, it really is that bad.

I've been in a fog for a while. The kind of fog where time wraps in on itself and makes all your movements slow and difficult while speeding up all the things around you. You can see things happening and know that you should want to be part of them, but you just can't care, and if you do manage to care, it just makes you sad that you had to try so hard to care. It's likely exhaustion. Maybe it's sort of like a self defense mechanism, the not caring. Things feel hard, and bad, so you just stop feeling so that you can get through it. The gist of it being that I have been performing my "keep the children alive" duties, but that's about it.

As a result, the house is even more of a mess than usual. My family... don't clean. It's like they just don't see the mess. They can step over heaps of laundry, skillfully avoid piles of sweeping, and ignore the fact that there is *actual garbage* lying around. I'm going to be kind and assume that they suffer from some kind of disorder, rather than that they're just lazy jerks.

So now that I'm finally starting to feel a bit more human, the first thing that hits me is how much I need to do just to get us back to "lived in", rather than "garbage dump". Then BAM! Mastitis! Baby with croup! Kids behaving like I'm invisible and they can do whatever the hell they want! I can feel it closing in around me again.

But I'm trying not to let it. Which is definitely something.

So. I'm making things. Making things and writing things has always helped me avoid the fog, but I haven't been doing it much since February, because... you know, baby, fog, etc. I've even signed up to do my first craft show ever in a few weeks.

Writing is a bit more tricky. I am the most prolific when there are no people around. Which is never. But I'm going to try to *make sure* that I make the time for it, if only to keep myself sane, so hopefully we'll be seeing more of each other in the near future.

Oh! One of the things I found while I was trying to dig out my desk was a box. A box that I received a while ago that then went mysteriously missing. A box which no one admitted to ever having seen, making me feel a tiny bit crazy.  A box, that contained gifts from Netflix, including a 3 month subscription card for me to give away to one of you lovely readers!

Enter using the Rafflecopter form below for your chance to win 3 months of free streaming from Netflix! The winner will be selected by random draw and contacted by email. The winner will have 48 hours to respond before a new winner is drawn. Contest closes November 19th, 2016. This contest is open to Canadians 18+ (excl. Quebec)

Good luck! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Friday, July 29, 2016

Summer So Far.

Her: can I play on the computer?
Me: nope.
Her: can I watch TV then?
Me: nope. You lost screens, remember?
Her: you never said that!
Me: yes, I did *recounts entire conversation during which said child lost screens*

*Five minutes of back and forth about how I never said any of that*


Ten minutes later, she sits at the table with a granola bar and a colouring book.

Me: hey dude.
Her: hi.
Me: we cool?
Her: Yep.

*fist bump*

[Repeat, replacing "TV" with whatever it is that I've said they couldn't have (or do) five times already that day.]

How's your summer going?

I used to have time to do this kind of thing.