Monday, June 21, 2010

My Mouth Tastes Like Old Pennies.

So. It's been a while. How've you been? I've been kinda crappy.

After Baby B's 2nd birthday, I have to admit, I indulged in a lot of maudlin "where did my baby go?" sniffling and leafing through pictures of both my babies who have somehow been catapulted into little girl-hood. I know that I was nowhere this bad after Big B's 2nd - possibly because I was 3 months pregnant and puking up anything that had the audacity to broach my delicate stomach. I think that more of it has to do with the possibility that this baby, my sweet Baby B, may be my *last* baby; and she's no longer really a baby.

Half my brain is being very reasonable about the whole thing. Well, it would be easier to provide a better life for the two lovely kids I've already got without a third. I wouldn't have to worry about being pregnant and what that would do to me during and after. We certainly don't have enough room, and don't plan on moving at the moment...

The other half is pounding it's fists and screaming at the top of it's lungs. FIRST SMILE! FIRST LAUGH! FIRST "MAMA"! FIRST GIGGLE!! LIFE CHANGING, HEARTBREAKING, ALL ENCOMPASSING LOVE!!! Every once in a while, as I watch the girls play, I find that a treacherous hand has snuck up to rest on my empty belly speculatively.

It's a hard one, this "should we have another child?"

Aside from this big life stuff, my internet has been down. I've also been sick as a bucket of secret sauce left in the sun by a dumpster.

2 comments:

  1. I hope you are feeling better. You have a lot to think about, you don't need to be sick on top of it. If you had another child would you want a boy to see what that is all about??

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  2. I haven't really thought about whether I want a boy or girl... just someone tiny with a gummy smile and miniscule toes. :\

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