Monday, September 13, 2010

I Wish Makeup and I Could Just Make Up.

Let me start by saying that I'm about as comfortable when I get "dressed up" as a trucker in a tu-tu. And I'm not talking about a petite female trucker, I'm talking about Bubba-beer gut-stereotypical male trucker. I don't know why. I'm definitely a girl; I've popped out a couple of babies. I just don't feel all fancy and pretty when I stuff myself into a dress. I feel more like I have to be really careful so that I don't fall out/rip/spill or otherwise embarrass myself. But, when all is said and done, the dress is the easy part. I tried it on, it fits... we're good.

Now, I have to figure out makeup. Again, this may not seem like an occasion for anxiety medication for most, but makeup and I do not get along. I can probably count on my hands the number of times I've worn makeup (outside of plays, because for some reason, that SO does not bother me); at least 3/4 of them were weddings, and then only because once I'm in the dress, my face doesn't look quite right.

The last time I bought makeup would have been for my brother's wedding in 2005. Now that my sister's tying the knot (and I actually have to stand at the front, and don't want to embarrass her) I figure it's time for new makeup. Which is unfortunate, because I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm about to waste a lot of money. I always kind of feel like Marge after Homer hit her with the makeup gun.

I've managed to get some eye shadow that seems to be okay. But lipstick may be a problem.
My first foray into the lipstick arena this time around was Joe Fresh Lipstain. I thought it sounded like a great idea. It was not a great idea. It feels like drawing on your face with a marker, which I haven't done since kindergarten and it didn't look great then, either. It looks like I've been sucking on a popsicle, in a really strange colour, for a few days. Okay.. well, that's a waste of money... let me just wash it off before I walk my daughter over to kindergarten. *scrub scrub* Hmmm... maybe if I use soap... *scrub scrub* shit. Okay. Maybe if I use toothpaste and my toothbrush to kind of scrub and scrape off a layer of skin? great.

So. It stains down to your bones, apparently. I scrubbed for about ten minutes and was left with weird, blotchy stains, which I then tried two other colours of lipstick (one from my wedding in 2004 and the other from my brother's in 2005) over top of and couldn't cover it. So, I guess it's back to the makeup department. I almost wish that I had taken up the obnoxious friend who was kind enough to offer me "girl lessons" because I would "never be able to be girly without them."

Way up there, with my dislike of makeup is my dislike of shopping. The things I do for my sister. And yeah. I did just write a whole post on makeup.

1 comment:

  1. I read your blog with such a smile because I have such a similar attitude towards make-up/shopping. I had to wear make-up to a wedding two weeks ago and actually Googled to see how long mascara lasts (mine was 3 years old). It last 3-6 months(!) apparently. So the Mascara I got for $20 at Benefit (and used really infrequently) was really expired. I bought a new one (from Joe actually!), and I probably won't use it again before it expires. For me, make-up is such a waste of money.