Today started out lovely. I woke up all on my own (by which I mean no annoying alarm clock or children jumping on my gut), which rarely happens. I made the kids breakfast. We read some books together. My Grandpa went off in an ambulance, but this time I was expecting it and I know it's an appointment at the hospital, not an emergency. Beege practiced some writing. Kee played dolls. I measured the girls for the princess costumes I'm going to surprise them with on "Princess Day". I even had a chance to make a cup of tea. Then I looked up.
It was 12:00.
I should have made lunch half an hour ago! Beege's hair isn't combed; hell, none of us were even dressed. I have to pee! Okay. Don't panic. They smell fear... just get up slowly, go to the bathroom and then make lunch. It will all be fine.
I stood up. I said, "I'm just going to the bathroom, and then we'll have lunch." Critical error. As soon as I said I needed to use the bathroom, Beege, who had denied needing to go potty all morning, jumped up and ran into the bathroom. Okay. Okay. It's still fine. Don't panic. I'll just make lunch first.
I made lunch, peanut butter for Kee and cheese for Beege. I got out her school clothes. I went back into the living room where Kee had climbed up onto the back of the couch and was throwing octopus arms across the room in my general direction. "Beege, hurry up in the bathroom, please. Kee! Get down from there!"
Okay. Lunch is on the table. Kee is hiding under the table, ripping pages out of my notebook. Beege is STILL in the bathroom. "Beege! Mummy NEEDS to use the bathroom, sweetheart!" I'll just pack the backpack and get their winter clothes ready to put on.
Alright. Done and done. "BEEGE! GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM BEFORE I PEE MY PANTS!"
Finally. Girls eating lunch, I've finally gotten to use the bathroom, it's all good. It's 12:30. Okay. So we have to leave in 15 minutes, that's fine. It's all good.
I finally sit down to my lunch; cold tea. "Can you melt my cheese?" Sure. "Can I have some milk please?" Sure. "I wan appuh juice!" Okay. "I don like this cup." Right. "Mom, Kee doesn't like that cup." Yes, I know. Kee picked up her cup full of "appuh" juice and lobbed it at the couch, spraying juice everywhere. I got down on my knees to clean it up, abandoning my poor cold tea.
Time to get dressed. Beege, being extremely cooperative, gets herself dressed as fast as a 5 year old can. Kee, decides that today is the PERFECT day to run away from me as I try to wipe her poopy bum before getting her dressed to go to school. She insists on taking her clothes off after I've put them on, because even though I asked her five times if she wanted to dress herself she didn't.
After about 10 minutes of fighting her into her clothes, we're almost ready to go. So Kee launches herself at Beege, yelling "I'M GONNA HUG YOU!" and knocks her over. Beege starts crying, Kee starts crying. Me? I screamed. I balled my fists up at my sides, took a deep breath and screamed.
After this point, I think that I actually yelled everything that came out of my mouth, even though I didn't quite mean to. We actually got to school, miraculously, on time. I hugged Beege tight and told her how much I appreciated her being so cooperative today. "You're welcome, Mommy." Then I told her that I was sorry I'd yelled. "It's okay, Mommy," she said, patting my head. "You just need some time to be alone and calm down. Maybe you should play a video game." Thanks, kid.