Monday, February 28, 2011

Shut UP, Dammit!

I am generally a fairly empathetic person. Generally. Apparently, at about 4:00 in the morning, those feelings of empathy are locked tightly away in my conscious mind. Because in that state halfway between sleep and waking, I am a full on bitch who just wants you to shut up.

Case in point: Beege has a cough. It's a really throaty wet sounding cough. It's the kind of cough that you can't just ignore, because you're almost positive that vomit will surely follow. We're not sure why, but for a few months every winter she coughs for about an hour a night. Usually it starts at around 4:00. Everyone sleeps through it; everyone but me.

Kee sleeps in the room with her and can blissfully block it out. Thank heavens really, because I wouldn't want to have to deal with her waking up at 4:00 in the morning as well.

My husband is partially deaf in one ear. When there's a noise on the baby monitor, instead of waking up to see what it is, he rolls over onto his good ear. Why, yes! I have angrily plotted his death in the middle of the night while changing diapers, re-making beds and cleaning up barf! I'm partially convinced that someone could have broken in and murdered me loudly in the bed next to him, and he wouldn't know until morning. Needless to say, he sleeps through the coughing.

Usually, after about half an hour of laying awake in bed fuming because I know (I KNOW!) that she's okay and she's really not going to barf and she doesn't need me, I get up and take her some water. More often than not, I wake her up when I offer it to her. Yes. She too, sleeps through the coughing.

Of course, on top of the coughing, there is also: snoring from upstairs, creaking from the furnace, ticking of clocks, that noise like a squirrel eating that the fridge makes, outside noises... the list goes on and on. Don't get me started on the random noises that startle me awake and/or convince me that there's someone creeping around in the other room.

I have been considering getting some earplugs or noise canceling headphones or something, but I can't get past the thought that my husband probably wouldn't notice me being murdered beside him. Or the smoke alarm. Or a child calling for help.

So, if anyone is wondering why I look tired and I'm a little cranky and I don't want to put up with any whining or nonsense; it's because I stayed awake to make sure my family didn't die in their sleep.

I'd like my medal gold plated, please.


  1. I feel your pain. I wouldn't do very well under those circumstances, either! Ugh.

  2. I swear, I used to be able to sleep at some point... I must have!