Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Things That Go Bump in the Night.

Today, the topic at hand is what a big, whiny, scaredy cat I am. I'm really a complete chicken. But only in the dark. The second the lights go out, the darkness presses in on me and I'm convinced I hear things that shouldn't be there. In the dark, I swear I see things out of the corner of my eye that skitter away as I try to focus on them.

I can't really think of any really good reasons for this, but I have several theories:

1. When I was a kid, I was very adventurous. I loved camping, I loved scary stories and movies, I loved trying new things. Then, one time while camping, we went spelunking*. Which was great. Until I was crawling through a very narrow cave and knelt** on a snake. Yes really.

Imagine me, a 13 year old girl, not very fond of snakes to begin with, in a small enclosed space, in the dark kneeling on a snake. I was trapped. I couldn't go ahead, because there was a freaking terrifying, half dead snake. I couldn't go back because there were other kids coming through. Someone finally had to come back through to me and move the snake so I could continue.

I'm sure it was actually a small snake, but I remember it as a freaking anaconda. From that time on, I was unhappy in the dark, uncomfortable in enclosed spaces and terrified of snakes. No more spelunking. Or sleeping in the back of a PT Cruiser, but that's another story.

2. My husband has a very science-y sounding theory about primal fear of the unknown combined with the fact that my eyes are so bad I can't see an inch in front of me without glasses.

3. I've been more of a chicken since my kids were born. Now that it's imperative that I'm alive to protect them, it seems that I'm more of a wimp than ever.

I've already mentioned a few times that I'm pretty sure someone is going to break into my house and kill me while I'm sleeping. Maybe this guy:

So when there really was a noise in the living room while we were drifting off to sleep the other night, it freaked me right out. You know how some horror movies use a soundtrack of children singing because there is really nothing creepier than possessed children?*** And the more innocent the song, the worse it is. I forget which movie it's in, but "One, Two, Buckle my shoe" is now one of the songs I'm most creeped out by.

Imagine you're off to sleep, there's no one in the other room and then suddenly, you hear a tinny little "Jesus love me" playing. We quietly got up and went into the living room. My husband, partially because he's brave and partially because I was pushing him, went in front. We turned all the lights on... nothing.

Then it started again.

It turned out to be a little toy angel that plays several different songs when you push buttons on her wings. I made him look everywhere, just to make sure, because I'm totally neurotic and worried about this kind of thing, but there was no one anywhere. So after making him stand outside the door while I used the bathroom, we went back to bed.

As for the toy, she has been relieved of her batteries and is on her way to Goodwill. Here's hoping she doesn't show up at the door with an axe.

*Fancy word for caving .
**Total side note: is "knelt" one of weirdest looking words ever, or is that just me?
***When Beege was a baby, she giggled in her sleep; but not a cute little baby giggle, a deep throaty chuckle. Creeeeeeeeeepy.

1 comment:

  1. "One, Two, buckle my shoe..." Nightmare on Elm Street. Totally creepy. I used to love scary stuff, and on occasion would purposely scare myself, but since I was pregnant I'm a huge scaredy cat. I couldn't even watch Scary Movie, and it's only a spoof! Gah! Wimp! Now when I want to watch scary things, like Saw... I have to do it during the day while the kid is at school.

    (Also, I have been broken into while I was at home... very scary.)