The other day, the girls and I sat down and watched a movie with some popcorn. A bit later, I was really annoyed to find that I had a bit of popcorn stuck in my tooth. Way back behind my top back molar. No matter how much I poked at it with my tongue, it wouldn't budge, and it was really starting to piss me off.
I started poking at it with my finger - sexy, right? - and still, couldn't get it out. It was really sharp and really annoying. I went to get the flashlight and the dental mirror so I could have a look at the darn thing.
It's not popcorn. It looks more like... a tooth. Wait... WTH?! Apparently, I'm teething.
So I Googled. You should never Google anything unless, unlike me, you're able to look at the nonsense that is likely to come up with some skepticism. Whenever there's anything weird going on with me, I always jump straight to brain tumour. Anyway, the first thing that comes up is a bunch of really disgusting pictures of bloody teeth.
First of all, I'm about 10 years too old for my stupid wisdom teeth to come in, second of all, I was just at the dentist last month - x-rays and all - and they said NOTHING.
Of course, it didn't hurt before I knew it was there, and now I've had a headache since I found it. I'm really good at freaking myself out. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have recurring dreams about giant mutant teeth exploding out the side of my face.
Since it doesn't actually hurt, there's a chance that it could just come in and be fine, right? Right? Because I really don't want to have them out. I'm not that fond of needles. Or surgery. Or being knocked out. Or waking up while they're still pulling stuff out of my face.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go breathe into a paper bag.