And the heat. As the owner of pasty white skin that burns in five seconds, I am really not a huge fan of summer. When you throw in temperatures of thirty-eight degrees (one hundred for you Fahrenheit users)... well, I start doing crazy things.
Like wearing shorts.
I have not worn shorts for over ten years. I mean... stretch marks that look like I've been mauled by a bear, pasty whiteness, and now spider veins and a dent; would you wear shorts? So this past weekend, scowling the whole time, I bought shorts.
The ugliest shorts in the world*.
Okay, fine, not the ugliest shorts in the world, because these exist
but, still, pretty darn ugly.
They have an elastic waist, they're big and brown, and my legs stick out the bottom. So I will take this opportunity to apologise to any fashion minded people out there who may have the misfortune of seeing them. But it's hot, dammit!
*Why, you may ask, did I buy the ugliest shorts in the world? Short answer? Because I was shopping with two small children who don't like to let me try things on, and I grabbed the first pair that I knew would fit me just by looking at them. At least they don't make me look like I'm wearing a full diaper.