Monday, January 9, 2012

*Whew*

Okay. Let's just jump right in here. Hi. My name is Skwishee, and I'm neurotic.

As well as wanting to be an actor, and an artist, I've always wanted to be a writer. I've also always thought that I wasn't particularly good at any of those things. Actually, that's not quite true; I've always thought that I was pretty good, but that if the time came for someone else to see/watch/read my work, THEY would not agree.

And then I would be crushed.

I was not, unfortunately, gifted with confidence of any sort.

A couple of years ago, I decided that I would write a blog and not tell anyone. If they didn't know, they couldn't judge, right? If anyone happened to read it, great, but I wasn't expecting anyone to, so I couldn't be disappointed if no one did.

In the beginning I had four followers. All of whom I know personally.

Then, one morning, I sat down at my computer and noticed that I had a fifth follower. Rachel, a complete stranger whose blog I was enjoying, had come to my blog, read a bit, and decided that she wouldn't mind reading it again. A complete stranger!

Then, a while later, Marianne stopped by and had some nice things to say about me on her blog (before I sent her a present, even!). Then MOV said some nice things about me on her blog too... more people stopped by. People actually seem to be reading this thing! That's great!

So, ridiculously, I got shy.

And I couldn't write.

And the longer I didn't write, the worse it got.

I would wake up in the morning thinking "today is the day! I'm going to sit down and write!" But instead, I would sit down, read through my blog roll and think about how funny, smart, and interesting these women could be. Then I would bury my face in my hands and think, "oh crap! I've got to be funny, smart, and interesting?"

Writer's block combined with intense performance anxiety. Still no writing.

Then, all at once, it occurred to me. People have said nice things about my blog; have said that it's "worth reading", even. Worth reading! That is not a bad thing.

I sat down and wrote. The result being this awkwardly worded post about why I haven't written a single thing for the past couple of weeks. But at least my toes are back in the water.

So. A hearty welcome to any new readers who have found their way here recently, and a fervent thank you to those who have found me "worth reading" and keep coming back. I'm really glad you're here.

6 comments:

  1. Stagefright. Been there. The nice thing about good writers like yourself is they can't write a thank you note without being interesting. Sorry. It's a gift and a curse.

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  2. I was wondering where you'd been!

    You're a great writer, but I totally understand. I had two months of complete and utter brain numbing feeling like a writing failure in November and December. I'm slowly crawling out of it, hoping to re-find my footing, but one crappy blog post and I'll probably be right back there again!

    Just keep at it and I'm sure you'll feel like yourself again! (At least that's what I'm telling myself) :)

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  3. Thanks for posting! I think you'll find there are many like minded bloggers out there!! The thing I struggle with is Blog Guilt. Not posting enough or commenting enough. I'm trying not to be so hard on myself.

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  4. I don't just read your blog because you're my sister, I read it because it's interesting.. and funny..

    I'm incredibly lucky to have a very talented sister :o)

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  5. Thank you, for the encouragement - sometimes, that's all you need! :)

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  6. Oh, I totally get it. If you have new traffic, you think, "Wait, I really have to have something PROFOUND now, because that is what they expect!" Don't stress about it. Just write whatever pops in your head. We will like it, I promise.

    best,
    MOV

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