Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Not Okay, Dude.

Last night, as I was settling in for the night, I was stabbed in the eyeball.

Okay, fine. I wasn't stabbed in the eyeball, but I'm pretty sure if I was, it would feel like that. Anyway. I started crying, flapping around, and every once in a while, yelling an expletive*.

Poor Husband sat there and watched me. He tried to see what was in there. He went and got a mirror, so that I could try to see what was in there. And the whole time I kept flapping, squealing, trying not to claw my eye out, and just let the tears do their work.

After about five minutes, Husband finally said "would you like me to lick your eye?"
"WHAT?! NO! I would NOT like you to LICK my EYE! What the hell, dude?
"Well, how else will you get whatever it is out?"
"Who DOES that? If you lick my eye, I will KILL YOU!"

Because, while I am glad that my husband loves me enough to volunteer to lick my eye, I would apparently rather feel like I'm being stabbed than see this coming towards my eyeball. (Am I the only one who thinks that sounds like a really bad idea?)



And now if I ever get stung by a jellyfish, I know who will jump at the chance to pee on me.




*This will tell you exactly how much it hurt; I was yelling real expletives, not just "cheese and crackers!"

12 comments:

  1. wow.. real expletives?? musta hurt

    I remember about ten years ago watching ripley's believe it or not and there was a little old lady in some backwoods town in europe who licked people's eyes to get stuff out. she was known for it.

    I've licked someone's eye. It was salty :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. but to add.. in first aid, you learn to wet the corner of a tissue, and drag it lightly across the eye along the lash line.. that works as well as licking, and isn't quite so.. invasive?

      Delete
    2. Well, first of all, I wouldn't let that lady lick my eye either. No matter how much of a professional eye licker she was.

      Secondly, Ew.

      Yup, that's what I did with Beege when she had something in her eye when she was a baby. He thought *I* was nuts. Come to think of it... he may have offered to lick her eye (or suggested I do it), and I just blocked it out.

      Delete
  2. Ahhh! Ha ha ha! That's a keeper you've got there. You should have let him lick your eye. That is true love.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ha! I suppose it's a nice offer but ICK!! Hope your eyeball is feeling better now :).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heh... it turned out to be a little eyelash. I'm feeling much better now; no spit in my eye required.

      Delete
  4. Eye Licking is a common American custom. We do it at least once a week.

    Or not.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm glad you didn't have something stuck in your nose. Or ear. Ear wax tastes terrible. I mean, so I've been told...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, he probably would have licked something out of my nose. He's totally devoted. He smells my ears because he thinks that will tell him "what kind of sick" I am. Which is gross, and I tell him every time.

      Delete