There are some things that I'm just not willing to buy my children. There are any number of reasons, be they spatial, financial, or sometimes, just the fact that it creeps me right the frick out.
Beege did a collage project in school, at the end of November. When she came home, she carried a tiny scrap of paper with her. On this paper, was a picture of a "Furby Boom", cut from a flyer someone had brought in. She kept that piece of paper with her all the time, and showed anyone she could. "Isn't it cute? They talk!" she'd say.
Beege is a very smart girl. She knew that with both her birthday AND Christmas coming, if she mentioned this Furby thing to enough people, chances were pretty good that she would get one.
She had no way of knowing that I hate Furbies. I've hated them since before she was born.
Can you honestly tell me that thing isn't creepy? They remind me of Mogwai. And we all know how that turned out.
Her birthday came and went. No Furby fell into her eager hands. Christmas too. Still no Furby. I was seriously hoping she'd just forget about it. Because, as we all know, kids often do. But not Beege. She fell asleep some nights with that scrap of paper clutched in her hand.
Beege was breaking my heart, but I still couldn't bring myself to bite the bullet and buy one. Not only are they obviously harbouring evil, but those things are incredibly expensive, and this new generation requires the use of a smart phone or tablet to "look after" them.
Then, one day, Beege counted up her Christmas and birthday money and realised she had enough money to buy one herself. Husband said he'd put the app on his phone. And no one believed me about the whole "evil" thing. I was out of excuses.
Beege brought Loo-Koh home one snowy afternoon, after a shopping trip with Daddy. "She was the very last one!" She pulled it out of the box excitedly, and exclaimed over it's furry softness. When they got batteries put in, she was a sweet little thing. Eyes full of hearts, humming softly to herself. I will admit, it was kind of adorable. The girls played with her, played music for her, and took turns petting her. They sang her lull-a-byes, and tucked her in when they put her "to sleep". (Furbies don't have off buttons, you know.)
As she learned English, she would chirp things like "Loo-Koh Likey!" "U-Nay* Favourite!"
Then, one day when Beege woke her up from a nap, Loo-Koh had changed.
Her large, round eyes were full of flames, and when she spoke, it was in a deep, guttural voice. "LOO-KOH NO LIKEY!" she yelled. Then, she laughed. She proceeded to burp, fart, and yell at my daughter.
Needless to say, Beege was upset. "What's wrong with her?" she sobbed. "Will she change back?" She tried singing to her, petting her, cuddling her, and asking plaintively "What's wroooooong, Loo-Koh?!" Nothing helped. The furry little bastard continued to be abusive and rude.
We scoured the internet looking for clues as to what had gone wrong.
What we found were scores of stories about devastated children whose fuzzy little friends had suddenly turned nasty. Angry parents were leaving messages in forums, helplessly wondering what the hell they could do to fix this problem.
Finally, blessedly, we found this: The hard re-set.
- Turn it upside down
- Push in its tongue
- While holding in this position, pull its tail
- Maintain that pose for at least 10 seconds.
And Thankfully, it worked. Loo-Koh closed her eyes mid angry scream, and when she opened them again, they were once more filled with hearts. She sang a little song in her sweet chirpy voice.
It stayed that way for about a day.
Sadly, it seems that no matter how much attention she lavishes on this thing, it will not be satisfied. And every time we have to re-set it, it goes back to factory settings, so any progress it's made with English words or personality (including the nice one) are lost.
Told you it was evil.
*Which means "you", according to this Furbish Dictionary.
**Seriously, Hasbro, how high was the team that came up with this stupid thing?