Tuesday, April 8, 2014

I'm Not Good With Change.

Anyone who knows me could tell you that. I am comfortable with the familiar. Conversely, I also get antsy when things are the same day after day after day. I know. I'm a complicated creature.

Anyway. After years of looking, we've finally found, offered on, and purchased, a house. That we're going to move to. In a whole different town. I won't be able to walk to the library with my eyes closed*. I can't tell you, down to the minute, how long it will take me to run out and get milk. I won't know which streets to avoid when I go for a walk because they get overly muddy when it rains.

But. I will have room to spread out a bit. My kids will have their first little bit of privacy. Husband will have somewhere to noodle around on his guitar that won't drive me insane. He'll finally be able to put up his Star Wars movie posters. We'll all fit in the kitchen at the same time. It's going to be good.

But. We'll be leaving Grandma. We'll be leaving the school the kids love with all the people they know.

But. We'll be moving to my parents and sister. They'll have new opportunities and make new friends. Our "adventure walks" will, at first, be an actual adventure.

But.

And this is the loop that started running in my head around 2am as I lay with my eyes squeezed shut, desperately willing myself to just go the hell to sleep. For every positive, up popped a negative.

Anyway. In an effort to try and curb the anxiety and focus on something that actually needs doing, instead of all this needless worrying, I thought I'd get started packing. But even that seems overwhelming. We're not actually moving until June, so we can only pack things that we probably won't need until then. And if we won't need it for a few months, then do we really need it? Now I have to start culling and sorting. This is obviously not working.

I need something easier. I'm going to get started picking paint colours. Should be a total breeze, right?


Help me.




*Well, while reading, really... but it amounts to the same thing.

18 comments:

  1. ah, congrats, Jessica! How exciting to have the freedom to choose paint! I like that lilac-ish one! Embrace the purge ... we have boxes 10 years later of "stuff we might use, eventually" that, obviously, we should have just donated from the get-go. Now I forget what's in what and need to re-sort. Maybe on our 20th anniversary in the house?! Looking forward to hearing all about your new adventures!

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    1. I think that Beege has claimed the lilac-ish one, and Kee is adamant about pink. It's the rest of the house I have no idea about. Husband, when pressed, will admit that he really, really doesn't care. Which I think really means that he'd like me to decide so that I can't blame him if I hate it in six months. :\

      I'm definitely doing a purge. There are things that these kids haven't even looked at in a year, and my dresser could use a cull. It's all this *deciding* that's making me nuts. Lol... good luck with your own purge!

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  2. So excited for you! Congratulations!!! And don't forget to take before and after pics :-)

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    1. Thanks, Mona! Absolutely! We only bought the house so I'd have something to post on my blog. ;)

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  3. Congrats on the new house! It has been a long time coming... I completely understand the positive/negative middle of the night brain loop. I expect you'll find the positive will win once everything is said and done, but try to give your brain some rest in the meantime... I wish you all the best in your new adventures and paint colors, oh, paint colors! What fun.

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    1. Thanks, Lou! :) I think you're right. I know that I feel peaceful when I'm lying on the floor of my new living room, and that seems like a very good sign.

      I'm also well aware that I was almost as shaken up when we were just moving a few subway stops North, so this will totally pass. ;)

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  4. Congrats! I remember you were looking YEARS ago. Leaving the city though ... And another one bites the dust. I will envy your backyard and closets.

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    1. And my studio... don't forget my studio! ;)

      It was a hard decision to leave the city. I grew up here after all. After searching in Toronto and knowing what we'd have to compromise about, it just didn't make sense to stay. The neighbourhoods that we would want to live in are not neighbourhoods that we could afford. Luckily, this way, we'll have enough space, and enough money left over that we can still pop down the road to T.O and enjoy the amenities.

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  5. This is exciting! Yay for a new house! I would love to move to a new town. I want to live just outside of a major city. It would be so awesome. I understand your feelings of anxiety. I would be the same way. But good for you for finding using a distraction to keep you occupied. That really helps with anxiety big time!

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    1. Thanks, Brandy! :) I'm still crossing my fingers for you to get closer to a big city... you never know, it could happen!

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  6. Change leads to growth and happiness :D I know you're an artist, but if you want to bounce any ideas off me, I *love* doing colours!! Very happy for you!!

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    1. That's what I'll try and keep repeating in my head instead of all that other nonsense. :)
      Thanks, Lesley. If I get stuck, I'll give you a shout! ;)

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  7. I'm bad with change too, but try to remind myself I am capable of dealing with the what ifs if they do come up. 3am me doesn't like rational thought, though, so it takes me a while to believe it. ;)

    Big congrats on your house. Have fun focusing on the purging and the painting. I think your summer is going to be full of new adventures. And you'll be closer to camp, right??? :)

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    1. 3am me is a total bonehead. 3am me likes to go over every single mistake I've ever made to point out how whatever I'm worrying about at the moment is probably a big mistake too.

      Unfortunately, despite knowing that 3am me is sleep deprived and doesn't know what she's talking about, I still can't manage to tune her out enough to sleep. :\

      Thanks, Jen! Lol... we'll absolutely be closer to camp. And I'm thinking of taking them *actual* camping this year as well - we're closer to that too! :)

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  8. I hate moving, so you have my sympathy. I'm sure that you will all settle into the new house quickly.
    Also, the palest yellow on the yellow paint chip is really similar to my kitchen! It makes everything nice & sunny :)

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    1. Thanks, Tasha. :) I think so too. And we have the whole summer to explore the neighbourhood before school starts too.
      That's the one I was thinking of for our kitchen! I think it would be nice first thing in the morning.

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